I’ve touched on the subject of addictions a couple of times as being a coping mechanism of the “not-self mind”.
The “not-self mind” is simply a mind that is busy trying to figure out life, past, present, and future to eliminate confusion, uncertainty, and doubts and ultimately make the correct life decisions – which I will emphasize, your mind can never do! It doesn’t matter if your Crown and Anja Centers are defined or not as long as you are making decisions from your mind, this is your “not-self mind”.
In the newsletter, “The World Within”, VIAM asked, “Why do we love doing things that destroy us?”.
Here is the comment I posted:
As a former life coach, I specialized in self-sabotaging behavior and it is easy to boil it down to the question and answer of self-love. Like VIAM wrote, “Maybe we just don't love ourselves? That must be it. You have to hate yourself to hurt yourself deliberately every day. We take care of the things we love, don't we?”
And yes, that goes for toxic relationships which I will get into another time.
It comes down to how you are conditioned away from who you are and the conditioning starts the moment you are born. You get conditioned through your open energy centers, by your environment, by the people you share your aura with, and by the neutrino field.
You are not taught to follow your inner authority, which in a way means you’re not taught to love and respect yourself. You’re taught to follow your mind but your mind can never be your authority.
The mind is a filter. It is not one of our senses. The mind does not see, hear, smell, taste, or feel. Those are our senses but the mind has to conceptualize what it has perceived through your senses. Everyone has their unique filter of how they perceive the world around them. Your filter DISTORTS your perception. To know how your mind works, I encourage you to have a Human Design reading that covers your variables.
We live in a world of instant gratification, of fast-food drive-throughs, click and buy, swipe right to hook up. Our brains get a hit of dopamine (a feel-good hormone and neurotransmitter) with every like on your social media; it’s why people are addicted to their phones. But life isn’t a video game. Reality can overwhelm you when you only have one life to live and don’t get any do-overs. So, you turn to one of the coping mechanisms of the “not-self mind” oftentimes as a form of ESCAPE.
Let’s look at smoking.
Smoking fills your lungs with warm air. Your lungs symbolize life and is related to your freedom, and autonomy. It’s through your breath that you communicate. On a deeper level, it symbolizes how you communicate with the Universe.
Smoking allows you to hide your anxieties. It literally becomes your smoke screen. It acts like a veil and gives you a sense of safety. But it also prevents you from seeing the truth.
Think about it - how smoke fills your lungs with warm air - it literally fills an emptiness inside you with warmth. Smoking comes from this desire to fill an inner void when you lack emotional warmth in your life, perhaps stemming from a childhood trauma of not getting the LOVE and AFFECTION you needed. There is a lack of JOY in your life - physical joy. Smoking becomes “a real pleasure”. You’ll hear smokers complain that they have difficulty taking time for themselves. The only moment they get to themselves is when they stop to have a cigarette.
People who smoke say they smoke to “calm their nerves”; this is the “not-self mind” of mental or emotional anxiety.
Smokers live in their heads and smoking allows them a superficial way of releasing stress and avoiding making decisions.
Smoking stifles clear communication. It’s hard to communicate through a “smoker’s cough”. Nothing breaks a moment of intimacy like that!
On an unconscious level, there is a fear of relating to others and smoking allows you to withdraw. Perhaps as a child, you felt alone, distant, or lost. Perhaps you had to grow up too fast and therefore don’t know how to deal with your emotions. Smoking allows you to keep your distance from others, to refuse them before they can refuse you. And who do you keep the greatest distance from? Usually non-smokers - people who are therefore more sensitive.
Smoking is a stimulant. It increases your heartbeat. That thing between your fingers becomes your constant and consistent companion in life and makes you feel less alone. It gives you that warm feeling inside. It’s a small comfort because you’re living in an illusion that smoking protects you from the hardships of the world. When you want to avoid a conversation, it gives you something to do, “I’m going out for a smoke”.
Or conversely, it can be the opportunity to open a conversation with a stranger, “Do you have a light?”. It fills the emptiness or the pause of a conversation. Smoking becomes an integral part of how you relate with people.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself if you’re wanting to quit smoking:
1. What is your motivation to quit smoking? Is it to have better relationships and to be able to express yourself, your true self? No more hiding behind a mask.
2. What is the emotional need which is linked to this habit? You’ll have to take a long hard look at yourself on that one, to see through that veil you’ve been hiding behind.
3. Can you identify what you really want in life?
4. How can you comfort yourself when you’re stressed or emotionally disturbed? In essence, how do you “fill your cup” with self-love?
5. How can you make yourself feel safe in the face of limitations - to allow yourself to develop at your own pace?
NOTE: Smoking includes anything you inhale like cigarettes, pot, and vaping.
Remember, all addictions or self-sabotaging behaviors are coping mechanisms of the “not-self mind”. To break free of these patterns all you need is to learn - and follow - your Human Design, your strategy, and authority.
One last reminder…
We’re talking about a behavior. When your kid makes a mistake, you see it for what it is, a mistake. It’s not WHO THEY ARE. You don’t label them as BAD for having limitations. Can you give yourself the same compassion when it comes to ending self-sabotaging behavior?
Next time, I will break down the mechanics of self-sabotaging behaviors.
I’d love to hear what your biggest takeaway from this article is.
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P.S.
For those of you who have been following my mother’s journey, she’s been in hospital care for 84 days at the time of this post.
Last Friday, when I arrived at the hospital she was once again being transferred to the ICU which put a halt to the paperwork to get her back home to her long-term care residence.
And now, my Human Design is being challenged to do something it is not designed to do; make a life-or-death decision for her. At least she is receiving the care she needs and is not in critical condition at this time.
I too have to resist my “not-self mind” judging her situation and doubting the quality of her life because regardless of her situation, SHE continues to be social treating every as family and HER sense of humor has not diminished. If anything, SHE feels she’s being treated like a Queen which suits her perfectly.