Special Edition – Healing from Sexual Trauma
For the Human Design Enthusiast
This article isn’t for everyone.
I know it’s only for a few of you, and I appreciate having you here.
However, I hope that all my readers can extend grace to those who have been patiently waiting for this special edition, where I take a deep dive into Human Design.
I will highlight specific sentences from each article that refer to some subtlety of HD and explain its relationship to the whole story and possible next steps for you, if any.
Again, this isn’t for everyone because Human Design has a specific language and terminology that comes across as abstract without some training in it. Yet, I do invite you to give it a read as it’s an opportunity to gain some exposure to these new concepts.
From Part One
“…you cannot escape your suffering. It is not your fault so don’t add shame to your suffering like I did. You have not brought the suffering onto yourself. There are just some lessons we are meant to learn.”
In Human Design, Mars's influence shows you the lessons you are “meant to learn” for personal transformation and emotional development.
To learn more about your journey of personal transformation, see how you are defined under your DESIGN MARS, the red side of your chart.
To learn more about your journey of emotional development, see how you are defined under your PERSONALITY MARS, the black side of your chart.
If you have access to “The Complete Rave I’Ching” by Ra Uru Hu, I suggest exploring the line along with the gate under Mars for a deeper personalized understanding of what you’re designed to transform and learn rather than just the big picture of the gate. I will use my chart as an example.
“Love is not a creation of the mind.”
Of the 10 distinct gates that are various expressions of love, none are found in the Crown or Anja centers.
The following gates are various expressions of love, and in this series, I specifically explore the four gates in the G Center:
G Center: 10, 15, 46, 25 comprise The Vessel of Love
Ego/Heart Center: 40
Splenic Center: 44, 28
Solar Plexus: 55
Root Center: 58, 41
I’ll let you explore them on your own and how they relate to your HD. However, you are welcome to ask me any questions you may have.
“Core wounds stem from childhood”. I recommend the body of work by Richard Rudd – The Golden Path - Gene Keys, which has three levels of exploration:
1. The Activation Sequence to tap into your genius
2. The Venus Sequence, your journey of healing and expressing self-love to live with an open heart.
3. The Pearl Sequence, your key to prosperity so that you don’t have to chase after success.
It is recommended to follow them in sequence. In my opinion, it’s not a money grab. Would you invest in a child’s education before the child is born or even conceived?
If you jump ahead to the pearl sequence in the hopes of getting rich quick, it’s like investing in a child’s education before it’s born. You need to know yourself better and shed conditioning, in a sense, to be reborn through the activation sequence.
The Venus sequence is your true currency and places you in the flow and magic of life. Skipping it would be like going through the work of planting a garden but denying it access to sunshine and rain to flourish.
What are my core wounds? - “Everyone and everything were out to harm me”
My Design Mars is gate 47, the gate of realization with the keynote of oppression. In this gate, I have line 1 and its dualistic expression is: “The ability in times of hardship to concentrating on eradicating the negative factors that have led to oppression. Realizing that negative thoughts have to be eradicated.” Or “The delusion of seeing oppression as an exclusively external phenomenon with often disastrous results. The sense that the world is against you.” The key note of this line is “taking stock”. [Source: The Complete Rave I’Ching by Ra Uru Hu]
This is my “why” in life to transform from the victim state of mind.
Please note that my “why” may not even be a “why” for you, but a “what” or “how” or “who”. It depends on which center your Mars is influencing.
Gate 47 is in the Ajna Center and is part of the conceptualization process of the mind. It asks, “Why me, why this, why now?” You can see from the detailed descriptions above that my low energy frequency of seeing the world as against me is very much in my nature.
The flip side is that it also has the potential to recognize the power of the mind as an awareness, it can direct its attention, on negative or positive thoughts. This is probably why I was drawn to the art of meditation at an early age because it helped me train my mind.
The Ajna is an awareness center, it serves as an observer.
In my youth, I was predominantly pessimistic. I believed that my pessimism gave me a sort of protection, like insulation, from being hurt. If I expected to be let down by others, I expected that it would hurt less when they did. It’s important to recognize that beliefs are a construct of the mind.
Reality proved otherwise. My belief didn’t stop me from being hurt.
Disappointment is a part of life, meaning we can’t escape it or avoid it; however, we can take it less personally.
It has helped me to focus on my satisfaction by following my inner authority. This prevents me from being let down. I’m not a disappointment to myself.
The other side of disappointment is surprise. If we stay open to life and the unknown, we can be surprised by what life brings in.
My Personality Mars is gate 1, the gate of self-expression, the creative role model.
In this gate, I have line 3 and its dualistic expression is: “Mars exalted as the symbol of the profound need for self-expression. The deep need for self-expression.” Or “Material forces can disrupt creativity and lead to overambition. Materialism disrupts creativity.” The key note of this line is “the energy to sustain creative work”. [Source: The Complete Rave I’Ching by Ra Uru Hu]
This is where I am designed to grow in my emotional development, yet this gate sits in the G center, which is about identity and direction in life.
I have a “deep need for self-expression”. It’s easy to understand how detrimental it would be to have that sense of self be discouraged from existing and conditioned to be other than as I am, meaning to pretend to be “normal”, to present as “neurotypical” rather than have my autistic qualities be seen.
All my undefined centers conditioned me to be a “people pleaser,” and that’s where I have had emotional development. I no longer take responsibility for how others feel or respond to me. I’ve let go of the need to prove my loyalty or self-worth.
As a generator (defined Sacral center), I have the energy to sustain creative work. Generators are the great builders / workers in the world. However, every time I’ve been encouraged to monetize my creative gifts, it killed my enthusiasm to be creative.
It’s interesting that my Design Mars, my “what” is line 1 – meaning I am here to create content and I do this best on my own. In my HD, my profile, I am a role model. Role models are good teachers. I also have line 1 in my Design Jupiter, which means I am better as an entrepreneur as well.
I’m sharing this “extra” because I struggled with understanding what I am here to create. I am a creative role model with both an abstract and logical mind. I experimented with the arts. I even enjoyed writing poetry as an escape at one time, but gave it up because I was severely mocked for it.
Reading and writing have been consistent in my life. Yet I failed to see that MY writing could be my outlet for creativity, for creative self-expression. I didn’t recognize writing as an art! That there IS a craft to it that is both logical and abstract.
As a side note, my prosperity key is charity. Charity is about reciprocity – give and take. Charities cannot exist if they don’t have donors. Charities exist to create balance and harmony between classes, systems, and even down to the individual. It’s why I don’t seek to monetize my newsletter, because then I would lose my drive to write. I have to maintain my freedom to express myself and not restrict my rhythm or how I use my energy.
For your reference, you can find your prosperity key as the line associated with the gate of Jupiter (gate # followed by line #) on the Personality side of your body graph in black.
Each line has a unique significance, and they are, in order from 1-6: simplicity, recognition, celebration, charity, leadership, and nature.
My life’s lesson has been to overcome feelings of hopelessness and acute depression (suicidal ideation).
In Richard Rudd’s work, The Gene Keys, he goes even farther into understanding the dualistic nature of our shadow.
Gate 47’s shadow is oppression and has an introverted or extroverted expression. Those are hopeless or dogmatic, respectively. It’s higher frequency or gifts are transmutation and transfiguration.
Similarly, gate 1’s shadow is entropy. Its introverted or repressed quality is depression, whereas its extroverted or reactive quality is frenetic. Its gifts are freshness and beauty.
When you synthesize these two gates, 47 and 1, at the most basic level, you get the oppression of self. Everything that made me autistic was oppressed until I was diagnosed in my forties.
My profile is 6/2, a role model/hermit.
All role models essentially are late bloomers because we cannot BE role models right away. We must first go through our life trials to emerge from the other side as a role model.
Only role models have a triphasic life pattern.
The first phase, 0 - 29 years, is experiential or experimental.
What’s the difference there?
Experimenting is to do the same thing over and over, either to seek a different result or to develop a skill and become a master of that thing.
Either way, it’s about learning from your mistakes.
I have both traits. I’ll try something once, and I’m ready to move on. I’ve learned from it after one try. This experiential trait in my HD is my Personality Sun gate 35.
Whereas what I am to master is “the art of being human”, as noted in my HD with all my channels in both red and black on the left side of the body graph. No one could be more surprised than me to learn this tidbit!
The second phase, between 30 - 49 years, is when you exercise more caution, and where you appear to withdraw because you are working through those earlier experiences. Which means you’re integrating them and healing your wounds.
Role models come into their full potential after age 50. Be mindful, though that it’s not a light switch – meaning it’s not instantaneous.
I share this with you because, all too often, we compare our lives to others. If you’re a role model, your life pattern will be different from others. We always have a unique life pattern that is very distinct and different from those around us. It won’t be an easy path, but that’s where you gain a greater depth in life experience to become the role model you are meant to be.
“This is what the BODY remembers and was taken in on a quantum level.”
Here I’m simply referencing everything that is in red in your body graph, which was taken in on a quantum level from the neutrino field and stored in your DNA and becomes your unconscious self.
I hope you have enjoyed this expanded version of part one of this series and have something more concrete you can work with yourself.
I had intended on presenting it as a single post, but after weeks of developing it, I think it’s a bad idea to publish all five sections in one giant post. It might break the internet! Okay, joking aside, it is a lot of information to take in. I feel it’s better to give you time to process it.
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March 22 was a milestone. It’s been One Year since my first post on Substack. To you, my subscribers, THANK YOU for being here with me!
I would love to hear from you, your thoughts on:
How to build this community stronger together, to support each other? Would you be interested in engaging in a chat thread, is one possibility?
Would you like me to write more openly about my fears and/or active wounds or whatever it is that I am still deconditioning and unlearning?
Would you like me to write about my mystical experiences?
Message Grace Dakini
FREE Intimacy Workshop
Intimacy starts with ourselves, and it impacts our relationships with others.
Grace Gravestock and Know Yourself Revolution will be offering this interactive workshop again.
The theme is the intimacy breakthrough experience:
Unlock deeper connections
WHEN: Saturday, April 19th, 2025
Time: ⏰ 8am PST / 10am CST / 11pm EST / 5pm SAST
This is a Live Zoom meeting and is limited to 100 people.
I will be in attendance, and it is an opportunity for us to get to know each other.
Recordings will NOT be available.
For all the details, please check out this registration LINK