Picture this, a reverend, a Buddhist (me), and an elderly woman (my mother) sitting in a hospital room sharing a conversation about being broken. The reverend sparked the conversation with “We’re all broken”. And I immediately disagreed and said, “No, we’re not broken. We just think we are”.
That remark from the good reverend, “We’re all broken”, inspired me to write this article. For a person of God and a layperson to have such opposing views and not for our Spiritual differences, shone a light on a subject that I feel needs a paradigm shift.
I am a person of both faith and science. Sure, I agree that most of us, if not all of us, go through life feeling broken in some way. But it doesn’t have to be that way. And it doesn’t have to take decades of therapy or an act of God to feel whole.
In my case, my realization that I wasn’t broken happened quite suddenly. I have been on both sides of the counselor’s table. I have sought counseling and I have been a life coach including to psychologists. It takes courage to do introspection work while feeling broken and looking to someone else to help fix you is a horrible feeling. It’s a feeling of desperation to have to turn to someone else.
I had been suffering from PTSD when my path crossed with an exceptional psychologist. I had been resistant to traditional therapy for PTSD. Life was a daily struggle. More than that, being in my body was a struggle. Living with myself was a struggle. I was far from being happy. Despite having all the knowledge and tools as a life coach, I did not know how to fix myself even though I practiced what I preached.
It did not take him long to recognize that my brain was wired differently and I finally got my diagnosis in my 40s of being on the autism spectrum. Suddenly, I didn’t feel broken, just misunderstood. The significance of getting that diagnosis for me was like being permitted to finally be “me” 100% without shame or compromise.
Please don’t be mistaken, I don’t claim that my diagnosis was like a magic wand and I was miraculously cured of my PTSD. What it did do was give me permission to be different. I do things differently and it allowed me to start to trust my uniqueness in finding the solutions for myself. That was the biggest hurdle with PTSD – learning to trust myself again.
My diagnosis put me on the path to separating my conditioned self (my not-self) from my true self. I started to recognize how my conditioned self was made to behave “normal” to make others feel comfortable while it made me uncomfortable in myself. The first book I read was “Pretending to be Normal” by Liane Holliday Willey. A book I recommend for others diagnosed later in life with autism. It eventually led me to Human Design which gave me the missing piece I needed, MY operating manual. How to make decisions correctly for me taught me how to trust my nature again so I could feel safe.
It is through a true understanding of ourselves and respecting our uniqueness that heals our brokenness. I speak truthfully and openly; it doesn’t matter how much trauma you’ve experienced in your life, it all can be overcome by learning and practicing your Human Design; by making decisions correctly according to your auric nature; all those stories of your past no longer have power over you. It’s the mind that holds onto those stories. But the mind is never an inner authority. Operating from your inner authority makes those stories obsolete.
Here is a short list of some of the stories of our brokenness that all can be understood and eradicated through the lens of Human Design.
1- You’re broken because you’re born with sin or feel God has abandoned you.
2- You feel broken because you don’t know who you are.
3- You feel broken because you don’t know where you belong.
4- You feel broken because you don’t feel loved or loveable.
5- You feel broken because you don’t feel seen or understood.
6- You feel broken because you feel lost in life.
7- You feel broken because you keep quitting or feel stuck with no way out.
8- You feel broken because you can’t quit an addiction.
9- You feel broken because you hate your body.
10- You feel broken because of a sense of loss of your innocence or a disconnection from your spirit.
Do you believe you were born with sin or are you born free from sin? I do not accept that we are born with sin. The creation of life is a miracle and a blessing. There is nothing purer than a newborn.
Human Design shows us that each of us carries a core wound within our DNA and our psyche. This is what we are born with. It’s not a sin nor is it a punishment. It’s what we’re here to experience. Yes, to suffer through so that we can learn and grow as an individual and as a species. We are here to evolve spiritually and therefore our spirit must be challenged. We learn what we are capable of through our obstacles. Our struggles give our lives meaning and value.
Each of the planetary symbols on your Human Design body graph represents a different influence on your nature. This is science people. Not mumbo-jumbo. We live in a neutrino field. Neutrinos carry information from all the planets in our system. The Design side of your chart, what is in red, is what is unconscious in your nature. While what is in black, the Personality side of your chart, is what you are conscious of. Or more accurately, “who you THINK you are”. Our “core wound” is from the influence of Mars.
Our core wound as defined by Mars holds a potential for personal transformation but it is not a guarantee. You may carry this wound your whole life without transforming it because your mind needs it and holds onto it for dear life because this is who you think you are. To transform it, you have to be willing to let go of that part of who you are (i.e. stop allowing your mind to call all the shots in your life), then your core wound can become your greatest strength.
In my Human Design, my two core wounds have to do with oppression (gate 47) and self-expression (gate 1). Said succinctly, the oppression of self-expression. I have a deep need for self-expression; to dance to the rhythm of my own drum. But I lived in a world that did not understand me, that judged me, that criticized me, that punished and abused me for the way I behaved, for the way I expressed myself. Of course, it felt like the world was against me – this was my core wound. But through my struggle of feeling like it was “me, myself, and I”, and that I had no one to protect me or comfort me, I learned how to comfort myself. I learned how to respect myself and to follow my unique direction in life. Because I have been so thoroughly tested by oppression, I know, that had I allowed my mind to succumb to it, I would not be here today to share my wisdom. Instead, I have faith in my inner strength to persevere and in my unbreakable resiliency.
The one thing in life that should be the easiest thing for us to do is to be ourselves. There is only one, you. Only you can be you and no one can tell you how to be you. Human Design cuts through all the years of conditioning and trauma to help you rediscover who you are. And you’ll discover that you aren’t broken after all. You’ve just forgotten who you are.
Thanks for reading!
How has this article inspired you? What did you take away from this?
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P.S. For those of you who have been following my mother’s story, while surgery was successful her condition has not improved. She is once again in critical condition. Prayers are welcomed.
Only for the Brave
Of the 10 examples above of brokenness, which number do you resonate with? Would you like to understand it through the lens of Human Design? Then I invite you to direct message me with your question along with your birth information (date, time, place) and I would be happy to answer it as a future article. I do prefer to have your birth information because I have the MMI software from Jovian Archive which is more sophisticated than if you were to send me your chart. Without your birth information, I would not know where you are in your life cycle and that has a direct impact on how I would respond. Think of it this way, would you talk to your child the same way you talk to your grandparent? Should I choose to answer your question publicly, I will not disclose your identity or your birth information. I would only share your body graph. Any information I share would come from your body graph.
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NOTE
Moving forward I will no longer include the “Resources” at the bottom of my articles as I’ve been informed this may be interfering with my articles being successfully delivered to your inbox.
I apologize for the inconvenience. I will send a separate article that will only be my list of “Resources” so that you can find it easily in your inbox and avoid having to scroll down through an article. And curious new prospects to my newsletter will be able to find it in my archived articles.