The Self-Centered People Pleaser!

The Duality of the Opportunist and Self-Blackmailer

Grace Dakini

Sep 13, 2024

Article voiceover

1×

0:00

-18:49

I’ve published an article about your typical “People Pleaser” as the minions of the world. In that article, I distinguished between the “not-self” type of people pleaser who operate from their open centers versus the natural people pleaser who are genetically made that way. This behavior is correct for them when they follow their inner authority.

The “Not-Self” type of people pleaser can learn to easily navigate life correctly according to their HD and therefore avoid the false identification as being a people pleaser and the dangers of over-extending themselves, damaging their health and overall well-being.

However, the other kind of people pleasers cannot escape their People Pleasing nature even if they follow their HD. It is an aspect of their design that is encrypted into their being and is part of their life purpose. Because it is written in their DNA it’s not something they can change. It will more likely be something they struggle against and resist.

Let’s look at this unique kind of people pleaser that is self-centered.

In Human Design, we all have a distinct profile, a combination of two life costumes we embody. Those six archetype roles are:
1- The investigator
2- The hermit
3- The martyr
4- The opportunist
5- The heretic
6- The role model

The first three are all archetypes of a personal nature, meaning they are self-absorbed and have no interest in “people pleasing”.

The other three archetypes are transpersonal. They have a role to fulfil for the collective. The heretic and the role model do this by withdrawing until they are suitably ready to serve others. Being in service doesn’t automatically make them people pleasers however, if they have certain undefined centers like the Solar Plexus, they too can become a minion to others in life if they don’t follow their inner authority.

There is only one archetype that bridges between those who are personal and transpersonal, and they are the Opportunists. You’d think this would make them the most selfless personality type but that isn’t the case. Their role is to influence others, not to be influenced!

Keep in mind that my previous article is still relevant for Opportunists, in that they are susceptible to being conditioned away from their true nature through their openness (whatever is white in the body graph).

Opportunists have a natural ability to network, to connect with others, but they also carry another aspect that just wants to be left alone. There’s always this dynamic tension between wanting to be left alone and the integral need for friendship. Fulfillment for the Opportunists comes with their interaction with others.

For example, all Opportunists need a well-established friendship as a prerequisite to being sexual. This is their genetic strategy for intimacy, being a confidant or not. If they cannot confide in their partner or likewise their partner doesn’t communicate well with them their sex life is going to be shelved.

Four profiles carry this opportunistic characteristic, and they are numerically represented as 4/6, 4/1, 1/4, and 2/4. The configuration here of these two numbers represents your conscious mind and unconscious body. Therefore, if the Opportunistic nature is from your conscious mind your need for solitude is greater and you’ll find people more taxing on your body. Whereas if your Opportunistic nature is unconscious, your body craves to be around others but you become mentally fatigued. Either way though, there is this fatigue at play and you’ll need time alone to support your being.

Examples for you to ponder:

Bill Gates is a Generator with a 4/6 profile
4/6 = Opportunist/Role Model = conscious mind/unconscious body

Bill Clinton is a Generator with a 2/4 profile
2/4 = Hermit/Opportunist = conscious mind/unconscious body

Fidel Castro is a Projector with a 1/4 profile
1/4 = Investigator/Opportunist = conscious mind/unconscious body

There are common denominators for all Opportunists, of course, generally speaking, as your auric nature plays a larger role in how you connect with others.

Opportunists have a gift for establishing relationships and they’re not necessarily aware of this. What they’re doing is seeking to benefit from their relationships. If their relationships are not carefully curated, they are at risk of maintaining toxic relationships just because MAYBE SOMEDAY they could possibly benefit. The bottom line is, how can they influence others? They’re always waiting for that opportunity but in the meantime, it takes a lot of time and energy to nurture those relationships to maintain them. On the inside, they’ll be screaming from their absolute discomfort from depleting their resources when it should be the other way around. Their relationships should serve to nourish them. This is what keeps them safe and healthy.

For example, an Opportunist who doesn’t have a strong network of friends and prefers to keep to themselves will become too heavily dependent on a single benefactor, be it a job or a marriage. They cannot afford to put all their eggs in one basket; meaning, putting all their time and energy into one relationship. They’ll get stuck there because when push comes to shove, they’ll inevitably abdicate. This situation may easily arise because they yearn for meaningful friendships and depending on their auric nature, maintaining multiple relationships can be overwhelming and exhausting.

The extreme of this behavior for the Opportunist is to be a “self-blackmailer” convincing yourself that you have to attend events and be around people you have no desire to be around but you “abdicate”, you go along with it, from this deep need to maintain another relationship. It becomes a form of self-harming as you don’t respect your energy type and your inner authority. This will negatively impact your health in the long run. Ask yourself, what are you sacrificing “in the name of love” to protect a relationship?

For most people that are in toxic relationships or jobs the advice they get is to leave, get out as quickly as possible. But this doesn’t work for Opportunists. They shouldn’t leave their relationship (a friendship, lover, marriage) or job when they feel frustrated, bitter, disappointed, or angry which are signs that it wasn’t entered into correctly from the beginning. To avoid repeating the pattern, what they need to do is to diligently wait for the next opportunity to come along. Otherwise, it’ll be exceedingly difficult to find another relationship or job! Opportunists cannot take a leap of faith that things will work out. They need to know exactly where they are going before taking that next step.

This is why I love HD - when everyone is bewildered by someone’s behavior, “Why the fuck don’t you just quit your miserable job!”, every problem doesn’t have the same solution. There is no one size fits all to life. When Opportunists stay in something that’s not working, it’s better for them because there is still some benefit to their staying. Leaving that situation makes it worse for them because they lose whatever benefit there is, even if it’s a small benefit. They are waiting for the right opportunity to come along.

What they want most of all is harmony in their relationships. Their life theme is to avoid struggle. They want to live life with as little interference as possible, but it comes at a great cost because to maintain the ship on an even keel they use a great deal of energy and suffer from fatigue.

They are great hosts or hostesses. They have clean, well-organized homes or work spaces because spaces that are clean and organized are comfortable. Think Human Resources Director who is efficient at getting people to work well together and knows how to avoid inter-relational conflicts. Opportunists know how to harmonize their environment and people to their benefit, to avoid struggle.

Despite having this talent for making friendships, the Opportunists cannot successfully leap into any new relationship. They need others who have already proven themselves to be trustworthy to introduce them to new people, new situations, or new career opportunities. It is those who already have a bond of trust that do the vetting for them otherwise they can easily get into unhealthy relationships or unhealthy career paths.

It may not yet be obvious why I’m referring to Opportunists as People Pleasers when there is this self-serving quality to their friendships. It’s their emotional frequency of kindness that is so attractive to others. They are genuinely the sweetest people you’ll meet. We’re attracted to them like ants to sugar water and we’ll stick around because they make the best listeners. You will feel seen and heard by them. The irony is they are listening to detect any falseness from you not because they want to be influenced by you. However, they are naturally deeply considerate of others and they are the ones people confide in the most. They make good friends because they are not corruptible and can detect hypocrisy in others.

Opportunists are gifted communicators. However, if this aspect is on their unconscious side they will sadly doubt this ability in themselves, even more so if they have an undefined throat center as this would be the self-saboteur of the “not-self”. What motivates them in how they speak is the fundamental question, “How can I get my truth across?”.

They fear being challenged so if this aspect is on their conscious side, they will overthink every possible version of conversation they may have to be able to get their message across to influence you and again even more so if they have an undefined Head or Ajna center.

Arguments will be extremely rare with the Opportunists because they are constantly navigating life to avoid conflicts and this will be even more rare if they are influenced by an undefined Emotional Center, the Solar Plexus. If you do get into an argument with them, they will have a meticulously detailed chronicle as their comeback. Their kindness can turn to meanness if you try to tell them what to do or if you try to corrupt their system or break their trust. Meanness is a last resort as they are uncomfortable with their meanness but it is part of their dualistic nature.

Yet, if they are under enough social pressure they will abdicate their position for the sake of harmony. When challenged, they will prefer to be left alone. What that may look like in life is the mother who stays in a bad marriage for the benefits provided to her children for as long as the children are living at home but she will also limit her availability to her husband.

What Opportunists need for their psychic survival is to enter into healthy relationships so that their friendships become their armor. They need allies that either agree with them or at the very minimum avoid challenging them. And they need to remember while there is always this pressure to conform to others, the role of aloneness is how they remain true to themselves.

If you identify with being a People Pleaser you may want to read the links I have included with this newsletter as I go into more detail about the “self-blackmailer” aspect.

Let me know what you learned from this newsletter by leaving a comment or direct messaging me. I’d love to hear what your biggest takeaway was.

When leaving a comment - if you don’t want to download the app, you’ll need to login to the Substack website to leave a comment. I apologize for the inconvenience.

If you use the Substack App, you’ll also have easy access to my daily Notes.

Mental Health Matters by Grace Dakini

Discussion about this post