Live or Die in Fear of Rejection

Do you Dare to Be Truly Seen?

I want to thank everyone for seeing me. You do that by choosing to subscribe to my newsletter. I am deeply grateful for the inspirational conversations that have erupted – in a good way – ever since my rant (December 7, 2024) and my newsletter My Existential Crisis When Met with Silence (December 13, 2024).

I will always take the time to respond to your comments and questions. I also thank you for your patience when I am unable to respond immediately.

I’ve raised this question before, why is it so difficult to just BE ourselves when it should be the easiest thing for us? No one can “do” you better than you, right?

There are many “explanations” to this question. I’ve written about our inner duality, our struggle between what is conscious and unconscious in our nature. We are conditioned by our environment and the people in our lives. We are not taught to follow our inner authority. We have been conditioned to follow our minds, and that leads to poor decisions.

Each of those statements is the big picture view of the why. It’s like looking at the vastness of the night sky. It’s interesting and mysterious to behold but feels completely unreachable, so you only give it a cursory look. It’s when you meet resistance that you take notice and try to navigate your life to minimize resistance. The irony is that you’re avoiding yourself in the process.

I’ve been contemplating this dichotomy that has been circulating on Substack by writers. One point of view is, to write for yourself. The other is how to attract your readers. The polarity of “I don’t need to be seen” versus “I need to be seen”.

Maybe you’ve seen posts where a writer bravely proclaims that they don’t care if they don’t have any subscribers or readers. They’re content to write for themselves. I say BS to that.

I acknowledge that not everyone has a life purpose of being in service to others so that statement is a distorted truth used by the “not-self mind” as a protection from injury – the injury of rejection. It’s stories like this, created by the mind that we hold onto that prevent us from being true to our nature.

Before I go any further… why is THIS so important to me to highlight?

I want to encourage others to be true to themselves. When we’re protecting ourselves, some may call this the Ego, by hiding behind falsehoods even if we believe them to be truths, it’s because we have received some message at some time in our lives of rejection. How dare we have EGOS! The ego (our Will) is directly connected with our identity. We experience shame or embarrassment when we feel rejected which stimulates our feeling of being separate and alone in the world. It’s our need to belong that can muddy how we see ourselves.

In my opinion, writing is an art form. Artists who create art purely for themselves die without ever displaying their art and their work is only discovered after they have departed this life. That’s how I am with pottery. I enjoy creating unique pieces for the joy of it. I have no interest in displaying it or selling it publicly.

I say BS because regardless if you’re here to be of service or not, it is in the fundamental architecture of every human this need to be seen. The basic circuitry of what forms our mind (the Crown and Ajna centers) is projected energy. Translation: we want to put our thoughts into others’ heads!

We all experience, to different degrees, this pressure to share our ideas, opinions, rationalizations, etc… and where is that energy directed? To the throat. It is through our capacity to communicate that we manifest. It’s not just “manifestation” in the material sense. It’s more about how you connect with others to be seen – to be recognized for who you are or more precisely, who you THINK you are.

If a writer didn’t want to be seen they would be content to write in a journal keeping all their thoughts private. Sharing their writing on a public platform means they want to be seen and the “not-self mind” puts up a façade of bravery, proclaiming “I don’t care if I don’t have any subscribers or readers. I’m content to write for myself!”. Why? Because it is challenging to show up authentically and still feel invisible. It feels like a rejection.

Writing is a portal to our deeper selves. There’s a feeling of being naked and vulnerable when you’re a writer. Unlike other art forms that are open to interpretation, writers want to be understood. Why else would we go through the grueling process of composing several drafts, editing, and revising, before we go public?

Writing also allows us to connect with others that we (generally speaking) feel we cannot do with people in “real life”. It can be a training ground for some to learn how to be true to themselves. It’s somewhat easier to take this risk of authenticity because of anonymity. There’s a perception of safety with being nameless or faceless but it doesn’t diminish the desire to be understood; the relief of “ah, someone gets me”.

I am NOT talking about the drive to seek external validation. While that may be another factor at play and the person who is trying to make the most noise shouting into the void of the world wide web that “they don’t care if they don’t have any readers or subscribers” most likely is hurting because they are trying to prove something and get attention, even if they are in denial.

Today’s article was inspired by a conversation with a fellow writer, Mark, when I asked him, “… putting yourself out there is hard. It’s the fear of rejection and when met with silence, that too feels like rejection; would you agree?”

I love his thoughtful response and share it here with you. He concluded we have three options in how to deal with rejection:

Mark:

“It's a vicious cycle isn't it?

Don't put yourself out there it saves you the fear and worry of rejection.

Put yourself out there, but the version of yourself that you THINK people want to see, maybe at odds with what you really believe, it might be some kind of happy medium you can live with, but it's not truly authentic. The rejection might still come.

The third option is to just crack on, move past the fear because in the back of your mind you know that rejection might never come. Shoot your shot in the most authentic way possible and whatever happens, happens: met with crickets, hearts or criticism, the more you do it the easier it gets, it all builds resilience.

So court rejection, seek it out, deal with it when it arrives, if it arrives in the full knowledge that it will make you stronger.”

I don’t think people realize how the fear of rejection masquerades as so many other things because it is coming from the mind. It’s because it is your shadow. The shadow of your mind is the silhouette of your past that follows you everywhere until light (awareness) penetrates it.

If you have been following me from the beginning of my journey here on Substack, I am confident that my readers would say that I write openly about my life experiences. That I am willing to show my flaws as much as my strengths.

What you may not be aware of is my inner struggle to be precise in my communication. To express details concisely and clearly. However, the topics I cover are immensely complex and easily branch off into deeper and deeper themes. So, it’s nearly impossible for me to write a piece that’s only 1 – 4 minutes to read. In my writing process I have felt constrained (this is another form of resistance).

As luck would have it, I stumbled upon a note by the same Mark mentioned above where he explored different writing styles and it opened my awareness to the story my mind had created.

Here is the feedback I gave him:

“Thank you for this beautiful exploration of writing styles.

It woke me up to something deep inside me. A wound, long forgotten.

I developed speech late compared with other children. I wasn’t given the opportunity to speak. I was often skipped over or interrupted. I internalized this to mean I was uninteresting. I wasn’t a natural storyteller. So, I stayed mute.

The revelation here was that intelligence is all too often judged on speed, the quickness of a retort rather than the depth of the thought process. And brevity falls into that trap as well.

Writing has allowed me to express my voice so long denied. However, without realizing it, I have been putting myself under mental pressure (thanks to conditioning) to “keep it brief” for the sake of clarity.

So, thank you for opening me to this deeper revelation. I am no longer blind to it. The truth sets me free to allow my whole heart to pour onto the pages I write.”

I share this example to demonstrate that choosing to show up as your true self, as risky as that feels, doesn’t happen all at once. It is a process of dissolving those internal stories one at a time. Letting the layers of conditioning fall away comes naturally, effortlessly, when you practice following your true inner authority which is never the mind.

If you would like to read Mark’s Note that opened my awareness, here it is:

I invite you to check out Mark’s Newsletter, The Curious Detour.

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Extra For the Human Design Enthusiast…

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“… when I am unable to respond immediately” – has to do with my being a pure generator (Sacral authority) and is a question of do I have the energy for this or not right now.

“Inner duality” is our two selves, the conscious and unconscious, and is defined in black and red, respectively, in the body graph.

“conditioning” happens in our environment through the neutrino field and the exchange of our energy signatures through our auras. As our energy fields become a unified field, what is defined in one person and is not defined in the other becomes identified as the true self. This exchange of energy goes both ways and we become a perversion of ourselves without the knowledge of how to follow our unique* authority.

*Unique because for example while I have sacral authority and a significant portion of the population also has sacral authority, no one else on the planet has the exact same configuration of how I am defined and undefined in my body graph. Authority can only be discussed as surface-level generalities unless we are examining a specific HD chart.

“Inner authority” is different from outer authority. Inner authority is the method by which one makes decisions.

“The mind” is both the Crown and Anja energy centers. The duality of the mind is that it may be expressed as the “not-self mind”; a perversion of aspects of the true self intertwined with aspects of the not-self (undefined centers and gates). Or how it is meant to be used, as an outer authority, when recognized, to expand the awareness of others but never to be their authority. This is why the mind can never be an inner authority; the not-self works against your nature and as an outer authority it serves others. The mind’s function for the self is simply to be aware, to witness life as if outside of the body.

“Resistance”: what we’re trying to avoid, frustration, bitterness, disappointment, and anger are all indicators of the not-self. The more we try to avoid them, the more we’re trapped in the not-self.

“Life purpose”; depending on the angularity of your Incarnation Cross, a Left Angle Cross indicates a life purpose of being in service, sometimes described as here to clean up karma. Whereas, a Right Angle Cross indicates a life purpose that is personal, not transpersonal. Sometimes described as here to create karma.

“Rejection”; this fear of rejection is inherent in the channel of structuring (gates 23-43) which is connected with the throat through Individual circuitry. It is the mental projection that is expressed as “I am different” and seen either as a freak or a genius. The relief of “ah, someone gets me” comes with gaining recognition, through successful connection with others.

In the description above about the Ego, Identity, and feelings of shame/embarrassment and separateness/aloneness, I am describing the fundamental architecture within the HD body graph. The Ego or Heart center is connected with the G center (our identity) through the channel of initiation (gates 25-51) which is how the individual breaks away from the tribe. The Ego is directly connected with the Solar Plexus, our emotional wave, through the channel of community (gates 40-37).

“Trying to prove something” and “the drive to seek external validation” are strategies of the not-self undefined Ego center.

“Trying to get attention” and trying to “make the most noise shouting into the void” are strategies of the not-self undefined Throat center.

“Shadow”; can mean the “not-self”, or the low vibration of the true self, or a combination of the not-self and the true self in how the not-self distorts the true self.

“Express details” is inherent in gate 62, the gate of detail, and is part of the channel of acceptance.

“Immensely complex” topics are inherent in gate 61, the gate of mystery, and part of the channel of awareness.