I am a writer who bravely proclaims that I don’t care if I don’t have subscribers or readers. I'm content to write for myself. No. I really am. My writing has been a healing to someone who did not know he needed healing. ME. My writing helps me to learn more of my true self daily. If others find some worth in my verbal adventures, fine.
You asked, "why is it so difficult to just BE ourselves when it should be the easiest thing for us?" We all have our closets and not just gay people. It could be religion or politics or family expectations or whatever. Fear keeps us back from our truth. Sometimes fear of retaliation or banishment or fear of hurting loved ones. Fear goes both ways.
My life changed about the time of Covid. I joined SM for something safe to do. It was physically safe but my words to the SM void forced me to challenge my most deeply held beliefs.
I might add that I was 80 at the time. I will be 83 on 1-31. German Chocolate Cake will be gratefully received.
Hi 👋🏻 Remo. Correct me if I am mistaken but until this message to me, you hadn’t posted a message publicly saying, “I don’t care if I don’t have subscribers or readers”, correct?
I recognize this sentiment is true for you. But you aren’t chasing subscribers or faking sincerity to get attention - correct?
I love ❤️ that writing has been beneficial for you.
I’d say you have reached a level of maturity where you don’t have anything to prove to others and therefore don’t suffer from the fear of rejection. Yet also recognize it may benefit others - that shows wisdom and humility.
Thanks for reading and I sincerely appreciate your comments.
One question, where do I send the German Chocolate cake?
Very much enjoy, and benefit from your discussions about Human Design.
My desire to write is only ignited if I am writing TO someone … a feeling somewhat similar to writing a letter to a good friend. But I am not inclined to believe, all who write, write to be “seen”. Its long fascinated me that Emily Dickinson made no attempt to publish her poetry, that was only found after her death.
Thanks, for sharing about Emily Dickinson. I didn’t remember that about her work or I would have used that as an example and it’s exactly my point; She wrote for herself and she didn’t have the need to be seen. She made no attempt to be published or go public with her writing. It was discovered after her death. The question that can’t be answered though is, did she avoid going public because of the fear of her work being rejected?
I appreciate your comment that your desire to write is only ignited if you are writing to someone. 🫶🏻 This makes me appreciate your comments all the more. We make for good “pen pals”.
When I write, I write as if I am writing for a trusted friend.
Interesting thoughts you shared. As a person who works with humans, I believe each of us is so unique, it’s difficult to say why we do what we do. My writing has been part of my survival growing up, and I do write for me and for service to others, some I share and some are for mental and emotional release. I love to understand human behavior, and it’s my life’s work, I like to stay curious about it too. I wrote my last newsletter for more than myself, and others I write just because I needed to get it out. My two cents 🩷
I think maybe I wasn’t precise in my delivery because anyone who writes will always have some element of writing for yourself. You are correct in saying, “I do write for me”. I do too! But it’s not our sole reason as you also acknowledge by saying you also “write for service to others”.
What I appreciate about your writing, whether it’s 100% for yourself as you say “because you need to get it out” or it’s with the intention to be of service to others”; in both cases you are boldly saying THIS IS ME. ❤️
But what I’m not hearing you say is that with every piece you publish there is a feeling of vulnerability, a fear of not being well received, an element of rejection. Yet, you publish anyway because it’s more important to you to keep showing up as yourself! That’s highly admirable. ❤️
Again, maybe my article wasn’t clear as my intention was to stimulate reflection on how we try to hide, avoid, or cover up feelings of rejection and when we do that we dishonour ourselves.
This struggle of being authentic, being true to ourselves, was hurt in childhood when we were rejected for being ourselves. Yes, we’re incredibly complex beings and there are other deeply rooted traumas that are standing in the way of authenticity. This is only one possibility.
Wouldn’t you like to see writers declare, “Yes, I am a writer. Like it, love it, hate it, it’s all fine by me. Subscribe, don’t subscribe, I am here to stay.” - if this wasn’t just more subterfuge of the mind and a genuine sentiment because even this statement may be an attention grab.
Grace, this was the perfect read at the perfect time for me. Thank you.
Just a bit over a day ago I posted my, more work-focused, smaller-scoped, piece that is very much in line with these concepts you’re exploring.
There’s some irony in my calling myself a career coach to dance around my fear of rejection and mockery associated with what I *really* do, aka LIFE coaching. But, I’ll read your piece again and maybe once again after that and hope it sinks in :)
Thanks Chris for sharing your newsletter. I enjoyed your writing style and humor. Your younger audience will have to google some references like Commodore64… is Flintstones still on TV?
I’m glad this one was the perfect read at the perfect timing for you. That warms my heart ❤️. Sincerely. Thank you ☺️
I understand, I played with all kinds of titles on my business cards as I wasn’t comfortable with being called a “Life Coach” even though that was my field. It felt too audacious. How dare I place myself on such a pedestal? Especially given my design to question authority, how could I be anyone’s “authority”? 🤮
When in truth, a life coach comes with a combination of training and life experiences - been there, done that, don’t make the same mistakes I did - insights to help others by asking the right questions and allowing their clients to find they’re answers for themselves, helping them to be accountable to themselves.
Trust me, I understand your fear of rejection and mockery. I was forbidden to talk with my nieces and nephew about my work, without their parents even attempting to understand what it was that I did. That didn’t make the work any less rewarding as I’m confident you will agree to be true.
There’s so much conditioning. The more we live true to ourselves, the more that conditioning is revealed and falls away. Keep up the good work 👍🏻
Grace, I could not appreciate your thoughtfulness and open sharing more.
I do think the title “Life Coach” often seems to imply “I know how you should live your life” which it truly isn’t; it’s about being fully present with the coachee and tapping into intuition and feeling / reading the unsaid to ask powerful, evocative questions.
But even that description won’t land too well with the left-brained, ever pragmatic, yet usually deeply disappointed, people from my former career in finance / tech.
I am still developing the courage to realize that if someone can’t get comfortable with something seemingly a bit “woo woo” that can dramatically change and open up their life for the better, that’s a them problem, not a me problem.
Who knows what I might conceive of my work as by the end of the year? Ever evolving.
(And PS, I think I’ve always been an old soul - those references go back to my very earliest childhood… my growth has been realizing the power of not trying to be anyone I’m not - if some are too young to get it and turned off, well, there are 7.99 Billion others. Surely some of them have heard of a Bronto Burger.)
Oh yah, sorry, I hope I didn’t come across as “judgemental” with my remark about younger audiences missing some of your references. I throughly enjoyed them!
I love your response too… there are 7.99 Billion others 👍🏻👍🏻
Absolutely, “… that’s a them problem, not a me problem”. That’s how I felt with my family. I didn’t waste my time “trying to explain or educate them”.
❤️ ever evolving ❤️
me too
I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to reply and share.
Thanks Nick for sharing your thoughts. I think maybe I wasn’t precise in my delivery.
You are correct in saying, “you write for yourself”. I do too but it’s not our sole reason as you also acknowledge with your BUT “I like to see the numbers grow” … “the numbers mean I am not alone, we are not alone…” Exactly, we are driven to form connections. I feel the same way.
The point of writing for yourself WITH this need to be seen was only the tip of the iceberg. We all have a need to be seen. But many feel ashamed to stand up and be recognized for who they are (the root of shame is rejection in all its forms because it is projected onto the individual by others) - that’s what some are hiding from when they publicly proclaim “I don’t care if I have no readers…” It’s masking the truth.
The deeper level of the story was to reflect on behaviours of self preservation from rejection. You shared an example which I haven’t considered - some people haven’t ‘come out’ so they refrain from liking or commenting for fear of repercussions from their employers. Another example are writers who use pseudonyms.
Those who write (and I will always assume there is some element of writing for yourself) and put their work into the world to be seen are diligently overcoming rejection every time they go public. They are declaring THIS IS ME regardless of how others might see them.
My deeper wish with this article was to dispel the hidden feelings of embarrassment, or shame (because again it’s completely normal to want to be seen) mixed with feelings of rejection (If they have made the statement I am referring to it’s because their numbers aren’t growing the way they want them to and they are feeling rejected in some way).
Wouldn’t you like to see writers declare, “Yes, I am a writer. Like it, love it, hate it, it’s all fine by me. Subscribe, don’t subscribe, I am here to stay.” - if this wasn’t just more subterfuge of the mind and a genuine sentiment because even this statement may be an attention grab.
Thanks, same here - read, learn, engage, share perspectives 👍🏻 connect with my tribe 👍🏻
Just 1 other clarification, I too applaud the use of aliases. If that’s what it takes to feel safe (and there can be many personal reasons to keep one’s identity unknown) but allows them to express their true self, go for it.
I am a writer who bravely proclaims that I don’t care if I don’t have subscribers or readers. I'm content to write for myself. No. I really am. My writing has been a healing to someone who did not know he needed healing. ME. My writing helps me to learn more of my true self daily. If others find some worth in my verbal adventures, fine.
You asked, "why is it so difficult to just BE ourselves when it should be the easiest thing for us?" We all have our closets and not just gay people. It could be religion or politics or family expectations or whatever. Fear keeps us back from our truth. Sometimes fear of retaliation or banishment or fear of hurting loved ones. Fear goes both ways.
My life changed about the time of Covid. I joined SM for something safe to do. It was physically safe but my words to the SM void forced me to challenge my most deeply held beliefs.
I might add that I was 80 at the time. I will be 83 on 1-31. German Chocolate Cake will be gratefully received.
Hi 👋🏻 Remo. Correct me if I am mistaken but until this message to me, you hadn’t posted a message publicly saying, “I don’t care if I don’t have subscribers or readers”, correct?
I recognize this sentiment is true for you. But you aren’t chasing subscribers or faking sincerity to get attention - correct?
I love ❤️ that writing has been beneficial for you.
I’d say you have reached a level of maturity where you don’t have anything to prove to others and therefore don’t suffer from the fear of rejection. Yet also recognize it may benefit others - that shows wisdom and humility.
Thanks for reading and I sincerely appreciate your comments.
One question, where do I send the German Chocolate cake?
Sorry I took so long to reply but I am still finding my way around here/
😂 you did well! I only got back to you today! Like 2 hours ago.
I should apologize to you for my delay. I do the best I can. C’est la vie!
I just found this page. I am just having fun. No intention of becoming a person with paid followers.
I think you’re doing great. I still learn how to navigate and use the tools on this platform too.
Fun is the key word 👍🏻
“I don’t care if I don’t have subscribers or readers”, correct?
Don’t mind if I do. I say what I say. I have learned who I am from what I put on paper.
I’d say you have reached a level of maturity where you don’t have anything to prove to others and therefore don’t suffer from the fear of reje…
I am too old to worry about some i- the-ether recognition.
Rick Nelson’s “Garden Party” says it well
Very much enjoy, and benefit from your discussions about Human Design.
My desire to write is only ignited if I am writing TO someone … a feeling somewhat similar to writing a letter to a good friend. But I am not inclined to believe, all who write, write to be “seen”. Its long fascinated me that Emily Dickinson made no attempt to publish her poetry, that was only found after her death.
Thanks, for sharing about Emily Dickinson. I didn’t remember that about her work or I would have used that as an example and it’s exactly my point; She wrote for herself and she didn’t have the need to be seen. She made no attempt to be published or go public with her writing. It was discovered after her death. The question that can’t be answered though is, did she avoid going public because of the fear of her work being rejected?
I appreciate your comment that your desire to write is only ignited if you are writing to someone. 🫶🏻 This makes me appreciate your comments all the more. We make for good “pen pals”.
When I write, I write as if I am writing for a trusted friend.
Interesting thoughts you shared. As a person who works with humans, I believe each of us is so unique, it’s difficult to say why we do what we do. My writing has been part of my survival growing up, and I do write for me and for service to others, some I share and some are for mental and emotional release. I love to understand human behavior, and it’s my life’s work, I like to stay curious about it too. I wrote my last newsletter for more than myself, and others I write just because I needed to get it out. My two cents 🩷
Thanks Susan for sharing your two cents 😉.
I think maybe I wasn’t precise in my delivery because anyone who writes will always have some element of writing for yourself. You are correct in saying, “I do write for me”. I do too! But it’s not our sole reason as you also acknowledge by saying you also “write for service to others”.
What I appreciate about your writing, whether it’s 100% for yourself as you say “because you need to get it out” or it’s with the intention to be of service to others”; in both cases you are boldly saying THIS IS ME. ❤️
But what I’m not hearing you say is that with every piece you publish there is a feeling of vulnerability, a fear of not being well received, an element of rejection. Yet, you publish anyway because it’s more important to you to keep showing up as yourself! That’s highly admirable. ❤️
Again, maybe my article wasn’t clear as my intention was to stimulate reflection on how we try to hide, avoid, or cover up feelings of rejection and when we do that we dishonour ourselves.
This struggle of being authentic, being true to ourselves, was hurt in childhood when we were rejected for being ourselves. Yes, we’re incredibly complex beings and there are other deeply rooted traumas that are standing in the way of authenticity. This is only one possibility.
Wouldn’t you like to see writers declare, “Yes, I am a writer. Like it, love it, hate it, it’s all fine by me. Subscribe, don’t subscribe, I am here to stay.” - if this wasn’t just more subterfuge of the mind and a genuine sentiment because even this statement may be an attention grab.
💜
Grace, this was the perfect read at the perfect time for me. Thank you.
Just a bit over a day ago I posted my, more work-focused, smaller-scoped, piece that is very much in line with these concepts you’re exploring.
There’s some irony in my calling myself a career coach to dance around my fear of rejection and mockery associated with what I *really* do, aka LIFE coaching. But, I’ll read your piece again and maybe once again after that and hope it sinks in :)
(Here’s mine)
https://open.substack.com/pub/yourlifeswork/p/drop-your-work-persona-and-be-yourself?utm_source=app-post-stats-page&r=133qr&utm_medium=ios
Thanks Chris for sharing your newsletter. I enjoyed your writing style and humor. Your younger audience will have to google some references like Commodore64… is Flintstones still on TV?
I’m glad this one was the perfect read at the perfect timing for you. That warms my heart ❤️. Sincerely. Thank you ☺️
I understand, I played with all kinds of titles on my business cards as I wasn’t comfortable with being called a “Life Coach” even though that was my field. It felt too audacious. How dare I place myself on such a pedestal? Especially given my design to question authority, how could I be anyone’s “authority”? 🤮
When in truth, a life coach comes with a combination of training and life experiences - been there, done that, don’t make the same mistakes I did - insights to help others by asking the right questions and allowing their clients to find they’re answers for themselves, helping them to be accountable to themselves.
Trust me, I understand your fear of rejection and mockery. I was forbidden to talk with my nieces and nephew about my work, without their parents even attempting to understand what it was that I did. That didn’t make the work any less rewarding as I’m confident you will agree to be true.
There’s so much conditioning. The more we live true to ourselves, the more that conditioning is revealed and falls away. Keep up the good work 👍🏻
Grace, I could not appreciate your thoughtfulness and open sharing more.
I do think the title “Life Coach” often seems to imply “I know how you should live your life” which it truly isn’t; it’s about being fully present with the coachee and tapping into intuition and feeling / reading the unsaid to ask powerful, evocative questions.
But even that description won’t land too well with the left-brained, ever pragmatic, yet usually deeply disappointed, people from my former career in finance / tech.
I am still developing the courage to realize that if someone can’t get comfortable with something seemingly a bit “woo woo” that can dramatically change and open up their life for the better, that’s a them problem, not a me problem.
Who knows what I might conceive of my work as by the end of the year? Ever evolving.
(And PS, I think I’ve always been an old soul - those references go back to my very earliest childhood… my growth has been realizing the power of not trying to be anyone I’m not - if some are too young to get it and turned off, well, there are 7.99 Billion others. Surely some of them have heard of a Bronto Burger.)
Oh yah, sorry, I hope I didn’t come across as “judgemental” with my remark about younger audiences missing some of your references. I throughly enjoyed them!
I love your response too… there are 7.99 Billion others 👍🏻👍🏻
Absolutely, “… that’s a them problem, not a me problem”. That’s how I felt with my family. I didn’t waste my time “trying to explain or educate them”.
❤️ ever evolving ❤️
me too
I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to reply and share.
No worries - not judgmental, but it did tap into my own wonder of like “where do I get these ancient references from” 😂
Thanks Nick for sharing your thoughts. I think maybe I wasn’t precise in my delivery.
You are correct in saying, “you write for yourself”. I do too but it’s not our sole reason as you also acknowledge with your BUT “I like to see the numbers grow” … “the numbers mean I am not alone, we are not alone…” Exactly, we are driven to form connections. I feel the same way.
The point of writing for yourself WITH this need to be seen was only the tip of the iceberg. We all have a need to be seen. But many feel ashamed to stand up and be recognized for who they are (the root of shame is rejection in all its forms because it is projected onto the individual by others) - that’s what some are hiding from when they publicly proclaim “I don’t care if I have no readers…” It’s masking the truth.
The deeper level of the story was to reflect on behaviours of self preservation from rejection. You shared an example which I haven’t considered - some people haven’t ‘come out’ so they refrain from liking or commenting for fear of repercussions from their employers. Another example are writers who use pseudonyms.
Those who write (and I will always assume there is some element of writing for yourself) and put their work into the world to be seen are diligently overcoming rejection every time they go public. They are declaring THIS IS ME regardless of how others might see them.
My deeper wish with this article was to dispel the hidden feelings of embarrassment, or shame (because again it’s completely normal to want to be seen) mixed with feelings of rejection (If they have made the statement I am referring to it’s because their numbers aren’t growing the way they want them to and they are feeling rejected in some way).
Wouldn’t you like to see writers declare, “Yes, I am a writer. Like it, love it, hate it, it’s all fine by me. Subscribe, don’t subscribe, I am here to stay.” - if this wasn’t just more subterfuge of the mind and a genuine sentiment because even this statement may be an attention grab.
How many times did I hit like to your comment? 😂🥴
Thanks, same here - read, learn, engage, share perspectives 👍🏻 connect with my tribe 👍🏻
Just 1 other clarification, I too applaud the use of aliases. If that’s what it takes to feel safe (and there can be many personal reasons to keep one’s identity unknown) but allows them to express their true self, go for it.