People Pleasers - The Minions of the World
Top 5 Types of People Pleasers
I admit, I used to be an “ultimate people pleaser”.
This is my call to action to all you people pleasers. It’s time to wake up or you’ll never be happy!
You’ll never be enough.
You’ll become comfortable or complacent with living a lie - as in untrue to yourself.
You’ll seek love in all the wrong places or with all the wrong people.
People will gladly use you, leaving you feeling drained, and unappreciated.
You’ll sacrifice yourself in the service of others without actually fulfilling your life purpose.
How many of the above resonate with you?
Each of the above examples is a classic people-pleaser aspect. Another way to describe people-pleasers is as the minions of the world. Historically, they were the builders of empires like Rome, Egypt, Greece, and the Great Wall of China.
Human Design Mechanics of Classic People-Pleasers
1. “You’ll never be enough”. You don’t know your worth and you’re relying on others to define your worth. You probably go fishing for compliments all the time like “How does this look on me?”. You won’t even be certain about what your likes and dislikes are because you will just go along with what others want. Remember the movie Runaway Bride and how Julia Roberts’s character didn’t know how she liked her eggs? If that’s how you feel you most likely have an undefined Heart Center (the center is white in your body graph). Or it is defined unconsciously, meaning the connecting channel is in red. See the image below of an undefined Heart/Ego Center.
2. “You’ll become comfortable or complacent with living a lie, as in untrue to yourself.” You feel responsible for how others feel. You wear a smile on your face all the time to hide your true feelings. Lying has become habitual because you tell yourself it’s OK to lie to hide the truth if it keeps the peace, to avoid conflict because keeping the peace already takes all the energy you have. A conflict would only make it worse. These are the things you tell yourself. But sadly, the person you lie to the most is yourself and you’ve probably been doing it for so long, you don’t even know you’re doing it. All because you are deeply uncomfortable with YOUR emotions and you’ll do anything to suppress them or avoid them. When I was uncomfortable with someone’s behavior that wasn’t appropriate, I hid my feelings by covering it up with laughter, rather than telling them I didn’t like what they were doing. People Pleasers wear all kinds of masks to keep everyone around them happy and content, if not themselves. If this is how you feel you most likely have an undefined Solar Plexus or it is defined unconsciously. See the image below of an undefined Solar Plexus Center.
3. “You’ll seek love in all the wrong places or with all the wrong people”. What you’re doing is living in the shadow of your partner because you will have made your partner the center of your universe. It is your relationship with your partner or your career that gives you your sense of self, and your identity. You cannot imagine a life without this person or career as it is all defining in your life. You may also have a feeling of having no roots, no strong bond to any one place. Or conversely, an over-attachment to one place because without it you wouldn’t know where you belong. You don’t know how to feel at home within yourself. If this sounds like your life pattern, then you most likely have an undefined G Centre, or it is defined unconsciously. See the image below of an undefined G Center.
4. “People will gladly use you, leaving you feeling drained, and unappreciated”. This is the most common people-pleaser given that the world’s population makes up about 70% of this energy type, generators and manifesting generators. We are the only energy type that has a consistent and reliable fuel source, the Sacral Center, so naturally all the other energy types want access to our energy. If this is you, you will be busy for the sake of being busy giving your energy away to all kinds of projects. You have the potential to over-extend yourself, saying yes to everything, and then struggling to deliver leaving yourself feeling frustrated. You will work past the point of exhaustion, even forgetting to eat, and suffer from sleeplessness. If this one resonates with you, then you most likely have a defined sacral center. See the image below.
5. “You’ll sacrifice yourself in the service of others without actually fulfilling your life purpose”. This last type of people-pleaser, I cannot demonstrate in the Human Design body graph as it has to do with the nature of your incarnation cross, your life purpose. If you carry a left-angle cross, then your life purpose has to do with being in service to others. I carry a left-angle cross. As a child, I deeply felt this, as I felt I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders as I was here to change the world. I didn’t know how, but I knew my purpose was to leave the world better than it was when I came into it. If you have this kind of cross, you’ll put the needs or wants of others before your own. You’ll dismiss your values, to respect others’ values. Out of that desire to help others, you may allow yourself to be used, taken for granted, and downright abused. Note: What follows the words “Left Angle Cross” in your incarnation cross may be different than mine as it will be specific to YOUR life purpose.
[For more about incarnation crosses and generators check out my article: Thank You Generators for Creating Life and Chaos]
As you can see, there can be a variety of people-pleasers. Depending on how many of the above you checked off, will show you to what degree of a people-pleaser you are. If you checked off all five you are likely the “Ultimate people-pleaser”.
As I stated, I used to be an ultimate people pleaser. There are consequences for being a people pleaser. It seems like you can’t help yourself and you tell yourself this is what makes you feel good. Yet without fully understanding it, you’re not loving yourself. You end up feeling frustrated, disappointed, bitter, and angry with your life. You’re not happy with your life, plain and simple. It breaks your heart because how can that be when you’re such a giving person, right?
People-pleasers are born out of the mechanics of not understanding your inner authority and being conditioned through what is undefined in your Human Design. Breaking this cycle is a matter of learning what your strategy and authority are according to your unique Human Design.
As I said, I WAS an example of the above.
My life purpose is still to be in the service of others, but I no longer sacrifice myself to fulfill my life purpose. I use my energy correctly by establishing boundaries, and limiting who has access to me and when they have access to me. I no longer say yes to everything. I value myself and I do not need others’ approval. All the love I need is already inside me so I don’t have to seek others’ love to fill my cup. I am responsible for my behavior, but I am NOT responsible for how others respond to me if I make them uncomfortable. I don’t have to be liked by everyone.
In short, I am enough. I am true to myself. I am in the right place at the right time because I follow my inner authority so I meet the right people for me. I have more than enough energy to get through the day and I feel appreciated by those around me. Life is good.
If you’re not ready to make the leap into learning about your Human Design that’s OK too. I respect that everyone has a unique path in life. I’m not here to be your authority.
Emotional intelligence is a good place to start. Knowing your core values and respecting your boundaries is another. Any aspect of self-care is a step towards self-love, which is what Human Design is about.
If you want to learn more about emotional intelligence, then I encourage you to subscribe to Kaylen Alexandra’s newsletter Dear People Pleaser
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I loved reading this, Grace. I only know a small bit about Human Design, my first coach includes this in her practice now.
Thank you Kaylan for your compliment and feedback on how my article resonated with you - it warms my heart ❤️ that I’ve touched someone in a meaningful way through my writing. My message is that we’re not broken, we just think we are and it’s all about the journey back to being the person we’re born to through self-love.