The Inner Critic

The Struggle is Real

I wasn’t sure I was going to write this week's article. I’ve been sick all week, and the inspiration wasn’t there. 

However, I took the time to respond to a fellow writer’s call for support in dealing with uncertainty and losing subscribers. Her reply gave me the inspiration for today’s topic.

Here’s Emma Vivian’s post:

Some of us struggle more than others with the people-pleasing aspect and that depends on whether or not your heart center is undefined or not. When it’s undefined your “not-self strategy” will need to prove itself. I’ve written about this before so I won’t go into that further here.

Undefined Heart Center

Here’s the thing, no one NEEDS TO PROVE themselves. This is life. We’re not on trial. We’re not being graded. You don’t need to prove yourself any more than a newborn. All you need to do is keep showing up as yourself. 

Does an apple tree need to prove itself? What about people who don’t like apples? Do we need to convince them to like apples? Does their not liking apples make the apples somehow bad? The apple tree is fulfilling its purpose regardless of how many apples are picked or if all the apples fall to the ground. You see what I’m getting at.

Without a doubt, we’re all wired with the need to be seen, heard, and understood. In one word, RECOGNIZED. This is a compulsion of the mind. In a world saturated by social media and in-your-face marketing strategies, everyone is trying to make the biggest splash to grab your attention - to be seen! 

Do you know anyone who enjoys being given someone’s opinion without having asked for it first? Who enjoys being told you need to buy this, that, or the other? When you haven’t asked for someone’s opinion or advice but they insist on getting in your face anyway, it’s not going to be received well. You know that. I know that. Yet, we all still do it. We give unsolicited advice all the time.

Add to this that within the fabric of what it is to be human, we have the COLLECTIVE energy that JUDGES (the channel of judgement gates 18-58). 

What is collective energy? It’s a life force energy within some individuals that is there to serve the greater good for all. The keynote of collective energy is called SHARING. The diplomatic way of saying, TELLING. It’s that compulsion to tell others whatever is on your mind whether or not they want to hear it.

I have gate 18, the gate of CORRECTION. “Good enough” isn’t in my vocabulary. It can learn, more than that, it wants to learn otherwise correction wouldn’t be possible. It’s ALWAYS looking to make things better, meaning this is a lifelong motivation.

I am my hardest critic. The mistake is to direct this energy inward. It’s supposed to be used for the greater good of all. But what do we do instead? We compare ourselves to others! This is the misuse of this energy. We have all these negative judgments about ourselves or that we think others have of us. This is where it comes from in our Human Design architecture.

I don’t have what’s on the other side of this gate, the gate of Aliveness, gate 58 therefore it’s what my DNA is perpetually seeking. More LIFE!

If you can imagine this, in my DNA there’s always something I am dissatisfied with. All the little imperfections stand out to me. I want to make life easier, and better, for others. Essentially, I’m always seeking to improve the experience of life. 

This concept of “betterment” is founded on social and moral conditioning. I’m here in part to challenge that conditioning and improve on it. This is also why I challenge authority figures or established rules. 

One side of this coin is a relentless dissatisfaction and criticism of what is (gate 18) and the other side is the simplicity and appreciation of the beauty and wonder of what is (gate 58). “La joie de vivre” is the pure joy of being in harmony with the process of BEING. 

I admit to trying to “figure out the best way” to reach my audience as well. I most recently announced that I was changing how I would try to bridge the gap between my subscribers and my followers and I immediately lost one subscriber. 

My inner critic could easily jump to the conclusion that I lost that subscriber because of how my announced change was received in a negative way when my desired outcome was for more engagement with my subscribers. The only way to know the truth of why they unsubscribed would be to reach out and ask them. Everything else is just my inner critic. 

How often do you do that, assume some judgment coming from someone else without verifying it? We’re projecting our inner critic onto others. 

I feel this is a highly relevant subject for anyone who has Mental Health issues. There’s a negative stigma around mental health and people are suffering in silence because of this inner critic. I encourage you to stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their inner demons they wrestle with. The struggle is real.

I’m here on Substack to write about all matters that relate to Mental Health. This has a large spectrum of possible topics and not all my content will be relevant to every reader. I know that. I accept that not everyone will stick around. 

Here’s what I wrote to Emma.

“I’m hardly a Substack veteran but I do know you can’t please everyone all the time. Accepting that truth will build your resiliency. Write for yourself. If you’re satisfied with your message and you’re respecting your values that’s what truly matters. We all have our own blinders on and don’t receive well intended messages until we are ready for them. There’s no one way to “get it right” only what’s right for you. Trust in the process.”

I’m still experimenting with this process too. I want to learn and grow with my readers so I do appreciate your feedback as well. Remember, you can also send me your questions or topic suggestions.

Emma writes about her pursuit of happiness and health after surviving breast cancer in her 20’s and losing her childhood friend to the same disease. If this interests you, you can support her publication, "Am I Cured Yet".

If you liked what you just read and feel it may resonate with someone you know, please share, so we can get the conversation started about Mental Health Matters.